Hi everyone, how are you? Apologies for my potty-mouth in the title; I normally wait until the third paragraph before popping cash in the swear jar…. whoops!
I wanted to write this post because over the past week my mental health hasn’t been the greatest. My anxiety has decided to nit-pick at my new confidence that has been hiding under layers of fat and say “Did you miss me you fat cow?”
I have worked really hard to get where I am today, and I know that I am in a much better place than I was 5 months ago. However, I still have that little voice constantly whispering all the things that according to it, I’m doing wrong. I fucking hate that little voice!
I’m close to losing 21lb and tried to take a selfie of my new progress. Every photo that I took, the voice whispered to me, “You look wobbly. It’s going to go back on so why bother?” So every photo that I took I felt self conscious and didn’t post it.
The voice is that horrible little bit of self doubt that we all get whenever things are going brilliantly. In my case, I keep wondering when everything is going to go to shit again; will the weight start to pile back on? Is my ex suddenly going to show up and fuck my life up? Will I always be living at home with my Mam and Dad? They are completely irrational thoughts that have no evidence to back them up, but they’re still there.
And I just wanted to say, it’s okay to feel like this. You’re entitled to feel like shit every now and again because you’re human. What you need to remember is that little voice is the bully from school who’d spread all those stupid rumours (let’s face it, they’re probably working a dead end job somewhere and you would probably be their boss). You’re doing amazing and you need to give a big “Fuck you!” to that voice and think of all the amazing things that you’re doing.
I’ve been listening to two amazing meditation workouts that help me deal with those horrible thoughts, and work through my issues. They’re both available on Aaptiv:
- Taming Emotions by Jade (53mins): Listen to this as you are drifting off to sleep.
- Love Unlimited by Jason (32mins): Listen to this at any time. I tend to use this just before bed. His voice is so soothing.
I don’t intend on ever being the unhappy person that I was five months okay, but it’s okay to worry that I will one day. We’re doing okay guys. Let the voice have her say, but don’t let her win! You’re doing awesome!
Have a lovely day guys, and take care!